Updated on July 19, 2025
Loving someone who has experienced trauma can be deeply rewarding, but it can also be challenging in ways you might not expect. Whether your partner is living with PTSD from military combat, sexual assault, domestic violence, or another traumatic experience, their pain can shape how they show up in your relationship.
PTSD isn’t just about painful memories. It can affect how your partner sees the world, themselves, and the people closest to them. You might notice they seem distant, jumpy, irritable, or overwhelmed by things that feel ordinary to you, like a crowded grocery store or a loud knock at the door.
You can’t fix what happened to them, but you can offer steady, thoughtful support as they navigate their healing. Here’s how to show up for your partner while also taking care of yourself.
Learn How Trauma Affects the Brain and Body
Understanding what PTSD looks like can help you respond with patience and empathy rather than confusion or frustration. People with PTSD often experience symptoms like:
- Hypervigilance: staying on high alert, even in safe situations
- Avoidance: steering clear of places, people, or conversations that stir up trauma memories
- Flashbacks and nightmares: feeling like the trauma is happening again
- Emotional numbness: struggling to feel joy or connect with others
- Mood shifts: experiencing guilt, shame, or anger without a clear cause
Your partner may not always recognize these responses as part of trauma, and they may not be ready to talk about them. However, knowing these reactions are common can help you keep perspective when things feel difficult.
Build a Foundation of Safe, Open Communication
You don’t need to have all the answers, but you do need to be someone your partner can trust. That trust starts with calm, respectful, and low-pressure communication.
Instead of pushing them to talk about what happened, let them know they can come to you when they’re ready. A gentle statement like, “Whenever you want to talk, I’m here to listen,” creates space without making them feel obligated.
Even small things, like cooking dinner together or going on a quiet walk, can help you reconnect without digging into painful topics.
If they do open up, focus on listening more than fixing. You don’t need to solve anything; you just need to be present.
Understand and Respect Their Triggers
Triggers are reminders of trauma that can lead to panic, anger, or emotional shutdowns. These might be smells, sounds, places, types of touch, or even certain times of year.
If your partner has shared their triggers with you, take them seriously. For example, if they’ve told you loud noises are hard to handle, don’t laugh it off or treat it like an overreaction. Respecting those boundaries builds trust.
If you’re not sure what might be triggering for them, it’s okay to ask: “Is there anything I should avoid or be aware of so you feel more at ease?”
Don’t Rush the Healing Process
Trauma recovery is not a straight line. Your partner may have days when they seem fine and others when they shut down without warning.
Try not to take these shifts personally. Your partner isn’t choosing to withdraw or lash out. They’re doing the best they can with what they’re carrying.
For example, if they cancel plans last-minute because of a panic attack or fatigue, it likely has nothing to do with you. Your patience and steadiness help create the kind of safety they might not have had before.
Encourage Professional Help When They’re Ready
PTSD can improve, but it often requires support from a trained therapist. Some effective treatments include:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): helps shift thought patterns that keep them stuck
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): reduces the emotional weight of trauma memories
- Trauma-informed couples therapy: improves communication and strengthens connection
If your partner is hesitant, try saying something like, “You don’t have to go through this alone. Talking to someone might help ease the weight you’ve been carrying.” Let them decide when they’re ready, and be supportive without pushing.
Take Care of Your Own Mental Health
Caring for someone with PTSD can be emotionally draining. You might put so much energy into helping them that you forget to take care of yourself.
To stay grounded, make sure you:
- Set boundaries when you’re feeling overwhelmed
- Talk to a therapist or a trusted friend about your own stress
- Do things that bring you joy or calm, whether that’s a walk, a book, or a quiet evening alone
Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you love your partner less. It means you’re making sure you have enough to give without burning out.
Create a Sense of Safety and Predictability
When someone has PTSD, the world can feel chaotic or threatening. You can’t control everything, but you can offer stability in small ways.
- Keep your word, even on small things
- Avoid last-minute changes to plans when possible
- Offer reassurance, especially during stressful moments
A simple “You’re safe with me” or “I’m here” can go a long way, especially if they’re feeling anxious or disconnected.
Support Healthier Coping Strategies
Not everyone responds to trauma in healthy ways. Your partner may isolate, drink, or avoid feelings altogether. You can’t force them to change, but you can gently suggest healthier options.
For example:
- Invite them to go on a walk or try a calming activity together
- Encourage them to journal, draw, or use music as an outlet
- Practice breathing exercises or mindfulness with them if they’re open to it
Ask what helps them feel more grounded, and support them in finding what works. Healing looks different for everyone.
You’re Not Alone, and Neither Are They
Being with someone who has PTSD takes care, patience, and a willingness to learn. You won’t get everything right, but your effort matters.
Love doesn’t fix trauma, but it can create a space where healing feels possible. Your consistency and compassion can make a real difference, even on the hardest days.
If you or your partner are ready for more support, Firefly Therapy Austin offers individual and couples counseling from trauma-informed therapists. We’re here to help you build a more connected, steady, and healthy relationship.
Reach out to get started. You don’t have to figure this out alone.