Updated on September 30, 2025
Your personal values are like an internal compass. When you align with them, decisions become clearer and your day flows more steadily. You feel “off when you drift,” even if you can’t explain why.
Here’s what makes values work challenging: You’ve probably absorbed other people’s “shoulds” your whole life. Parents, culture, Instagram, your industry; everyone has opinions about what should matter to you. Values work means sorting through that noise to find what’s truly yours.
This guide lays the foundation for living based on your values. Once you identify your core values, you can understand how your brain reacts to choices that align with those values and learn practical tools for applying values in everyday decisions.
But everything begins with clarity about what matters most to you.
What Are Core Values
Core values are deeply held principles that guide how you present yourself. They aren’t goals you simply accomplish. Goals come to an end, but values continue to influence you even after the goal is achieved. Your values create a framework that influences choices in work, relationships, and leisure time.
Examples from a list of values: Honesty, curiosity, compassion, growth, service, creativity, connection, dependability, fairness, risk-taking
Not “run a marathon,” but “care for my health.” Not “get promoted,” but “contribute and keep learning.”
Research shows that clarifying values and taking small, consistent actions improve well-being and follow-through. Studies on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) show something fascinating: people who clarify their values and take small actions in line with them report higher levels of life satisfaction and greater emotional resilience during difficult periods.
ACT emphasizes living by your values instead of just handling symptoms or pursuing goals. You don’t need perfect scientific language to gain benefits. Just a simple process and some honesty are enough.
Signs You May Be Out of Alignment
Before diving into the how-to, let’s first recognize when values work might be helpful. You don’t need a crisis to start values work. Still, these signs often point to a gap between what matters and where your time goes:
- Busy all day, strangely empty at night
- Decisions drag because every option feels wrong in a different way
- Saying yes when you mean no, then feeling resentful or drained
- Work looks good on paper, but conflicts with how you want to live
- Tension in certain relationships you can’t quite name
If any of these signs feel familiar, you’re ready for some honest reflection. The process below isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about uncovering what’s already true for you and letting it guide your choices.
How to Find Your Core Values
1. Gather Honest Clues
Set a 10-minute timer for each prompt. Write fast. No editing.
- When did I feel most alive in the past year? What was I doing and with whom?
- Who are my role models and why? List qualities, not job titles.
- Which life experiences shaped me most? What did they teach me?
- What situations spark frustration or resentment? Irritation often points to crossed values.
- What would I do with my free time if no one judged me?
2. Make a List
List words and phrases that are meaningful to you. Skimming a list of values and circling anything that provokes a strong “yes” response in your body (a sense of energy, resonance, or “that’s me” feeling) offers valuable self-awareness insights.
3. Cluster and Choose Your “Top Five”
Group similar values together. Clustering helps you avoid choosing five variations of the same core value, ensuring your final list covers different aspects of what matters to you.
Integrity and honesty often go hand in hand. You can also include a few values that reflect your personality, such as dependability or risk-taking.
Ask yourself: “If I could only live by five values, would I still feel like myself?”
Take some time to reflect on this for a day and see which values resonate with you. The values that remain will become your top priorities.
4. Translate Values Into Visible Behaviors
Choose one small action for each value to take this week. Keep it simple and pressure-free. This approach allows you to set goals aligned with your guiding principles.
Here’s how this might look in practice:
| Value | One visible behavior this week |
|---|---|
| Connection | Text a friend to set up a walk or a bike ride |
| Growth | Read 10 pages before bed |
| Health | Plan for a lunch outside (in the Spring or Fall) for self-care |
| Curiosity | Ask one genuine question in every meeting |
| Service | Offer help on one task without being asked |
You’ll notice we keep saying “one small action” and “pick one tiny adjustment.” This is intentional. Most value work fails because people try to overhaul everything at once. Pick one behavior. Make it small. Build from there.
Why This Works: The Brain Science Behind Values
When you identify a value and take a small action that honors it, something interesting happens in your brain. Research on the ventromedial prefrontal cortex shows that this brain region encodes subjective value and activates when you make choices aligned with what matters to you.
Your brain’s value center works with reward circuits to create positive reinforcement for values-aligned behaviors. This isn’t just feel-good psychology. Your brain actually learns to prefer choices that match your values, building neural pathways that support authentic living over time.
The small behaviors you’re testing this week aren’t just experiments. They’re training your nervous system to recognize what “right” feels like. Once you understand how your brain guides better choices through values, you can use that knowledge to build stronger decision-making patterns.
5. Run a One-Week Experiment
Put those five actions on your calendar. At week’s end, ask:
- Where did I live my values?
- What small change would bring me closer to who I want to be next week?
Small victories matter. Consistency beats intensity. This is a gentle approach to self-development and improvement.
Misconceptions About Values
Before you start applying your values, let’s clear up some confusion:
Values aren’t goals. Goals have endpoints. Values are directions you move toward throughout your life. “Get healthy” is a goal. “Health” is a value that guides thousands of daily choices.
You don’t choose values to impress anyone. If a value only sounds good when you’re explaining it to others but doesn’t show up in your actual choices, it’s not your value. It’s an aspiration borrowed from someone else’s life.
Values can compete with each other. Security and adventure often tug in opposite directions. Growth and stability sometimes conflict. This is normal, not a sign you’ve chosen wrong. Learning to navigate competing values is part of the work.
Your values might not match your family’s values. This can bring up complicated feelings, but living someone else’s values while abandoning your own leads to resentment and disconnection from yourself.
Use Your Values in Decisions
Once you’ve identified your core values, you’re ready to put them to work. When you encounter a decision, use this quick filter:
- Which option moves me one step closer to my values?
- What cost will I pay if I ignore them here?
- What would my future self thank me for?
Trust your gut reaction to these questions. Usually, the option that feels most aligned is the right choice for you.
This quick filter works well for everyday choices. But when decisions get more complex (like career changes, major purchases, or relationship crossroads), you’ll benefit from a more structured approach to using your values. The key is having tools that match the weight of what you’re deciding.
Consider applying this filter to various aspects of your life. Think about your career path, including the types of projects you accept and the roles you pursue. Think about your daily life and how you choose to spend your evenings. Think about your relationships and the boundaries that ensure a fulfilling life.
If you encounter a conflict between two values, express that tension clearly. For example, security and adventure often compete with one another. When making decisions, choose the next step that respects both values, even if one takes precedence today.
Common Roadblocks
Here are the most common places people get stuck, with quick solutions:
Aspirational values vs. real values. If a value only shows up on paper, test it. Try one small behavior for a week. If it never fits, release it.
Work or family mismatch. You may not control the system around you, but you can still align one part of your day. Protect a boundary, change one routine, or reshape a task to better fit your values.
Too many values. Start with five. Add a sixth later if it keeps tugging your sleeve.
Guilt when you choose differently. Values clarify trade-offs. Name the trade-off, then choose on purpose rather than by habit.
Values change. Your value system can evolve as seasons shift, such as new roles, health changes, parenthood, or grief. Review your list twice a year and update your value statement if needed.
When Values Clarification Gets Hard
Sometimes this work brings up difficult emotions. When you start noticing the gap between your values and your daily life, you might feel grief about lost time or anger at systems that kept you from living authentically.
You might also face resistance from people who liked the old version of you. The version who always said yes, who prioritized their needs, who didn’t have boundaries.
These reactions are normal. They don’t mean you’re doing something wrong. They mean you’re doing something real.
If values work consistently brings up overwhelming emotions, or if you find yourself unable to identify even one genuine value, working with a therapist can help you find your own voice in the noise.
Write a One-Sentence Value Statement
Turn your top five values into a short value statement that you can remember:
“I choose connection, health, curiosity, service, and growth, and I let these guide how I work, rest, and relate.”
Tape it near your desk. Let it guide you in planning, spending your free time, and deciding whether to say yes or no.
Weekly Check-In
Set a repeating 10-minute reminder. Schedule this for Sunday morning with your coffee at a local Austin spot, or Friday afternoon on your porch. Make the check-in itself a small ritual that honors rest and reflection.
- How did I live my values? Write two concrete moments.
- Where did I drift? Pick one tiny adjustment for next week.
- Any value that needs a new behavior? Update it.
This short practice builds psychological flexibility, which research links to better mood, steadier habits, and long-term personal growth.
Bring Your Values to Life
You’re not inventing a better self. You’re noticing what has been true and letting it steer your choices. Your personal values help you choose the next right step in work, relationships, and self-care, one small decision at a time.
In therapy, we often see that people who struggle with anxiety or depression aren’t lacking willpower or positivity. They’re exhausted from living out of alignment with their values, even when they can’t name what’s wrong. At Firefly Therapy Austin, we use ACT-based values work with clients because it’s one of the most empirically supported approaches for creating lasting change. Unlike goal-setting, which focuses on outcomes, values work focuses on direction. And research shows that’s what predicts long-term well-being.
Values work becomes transformative when you have support to work through the complicated parts. Things like competing values, grief about lost time, or resistance from people who liked the old version of you. If you’re ready to do this work with someone who understands ACT and values-based living, we’re here to help you clarify your core values and build a system that fits your real life.