Updated on September 16, 2025
Did you cry in the grocery store yesterday when you saw their favorite food? Do you still have their phone number saved in your phone even though it’s been disconnected for months? Do you sometimes feel okay, and then guilty for having a good moment on others?
Grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline that people expect. It’s messy, unpredictable, and shows up in ways that catch you off guard. Whether you’re dealing with death, divorce, job loss, or any other significant change, grief can feel overwhelming and isolating.
If you’re struggling with loss right now, know this – healing doesn’t mean forgetting or “moving on.” It means learning to carry love and loss together, finding ways to honor what you’ve lost while still opening your heart to what remains.
Understanding the Many Faces of Loss
When people think about grief, they often associate it with death. But loss takes many forms, and each can bring profound challenges that deserve recognition and care.
Types of loss that can trigger grief:
- Death of a loved one – Family members, friends, or anyone who held meaning in your life
- Relationship endings – Divorce, breakups, or the loss of a shared future you imagined
- Family estrangement – When relationships with family members become distant or end
- Job loss or financial insecurity – Losing stability and identity tied to work
- Health changes – Chronic illness, injury, disability, or declining physical abilities
- Major life transitions – Moving, retirement, children leaving home, aging
- Pet loss – The deep grief that comes with losing a beloved animal companion
- Unmet dreams – Coming to terms with a future that will never exist
Recognizing these different forms of grief can help validate what you’re feeling. Any loss that impacts your sense of stability, identity, or connection can bring about grief, and your emotions are entirely valid.
Why Grief Feels So Overwhelming
Grief isn’t just sadness. It’s a full-body experience that can manifest as exhaustion, anger, confusion, relief, guilt, or even emotional numbness. Your brain is trying to process something that doesn’t make logical sense—that someone or something central to your world has fundamentally changed or disappeared.
Dr. Colin Murray Parkes, a leading grief researcher, describes this as “psychosocial transition” – your entire sense of reality has shifted, and your mind is working overtime to understand this new world. This is why grief can feel so disorienting and why simple tasks suddenly seem impossible.
Research from Harvard Medical School shows that grief activates the same brain regions as physical pain, which explains why people often say their heart “hurts” after a loss. Your brain is literally processing grief as an injury that needs healing.
The Myth of “Moving On”
You’ve probably heard about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these can help understand some shared experiences, they’ve created unrealistic expectations about how grief should work.
Grief isn’t a linear process with a clear endpoint. It’s more like weather patterns – sometimes stormy, sometimes calm, often changing without warning. You might feel acceptance one day and anger the next, and that’s completely normal.
Dr. Dennis Klass’s research on “continuing bonds” shows that healthy grieving often involves maintaining connection to what you’ve lost rather than “moving on.” This might mean talking to your loved one, keeping meaningful objects, or finding ways to honor their memory in your daily life.
The goal isn’t to “get over” your loss. Learning how to live with it in a way that allows for both grief and joy, memory and new experiences.
Healthy Ways to Process Your Loss
Allow Yourself to Feel Without Judgment
Grief can be painful, but avoiding emotions often makes healing more difficult. Many people suppress feelings to “stay strong” for others or because they fear being overwhelmed. But emotions don’t disappear when ignored – they often resurface unexpectedly more intensely.
Ways to honor your emotions:
- Give yourself permission to feel whatever arises – sadness, anger, guilt, or numbness
- Set aside quiet moments each day to check in with yourself
- Let tears come when they need to – crying is a natural way to release emotion
- Remember that you don’t need to push through grief, but rather move with it
Express What You’re Experiencing
Sometimes, grief feels too big to express in words. Finding ways to express what you’re feeling can help you process emotions that might otherwise feel stuck or overwhelming.
The healing power of writing: Dr. James Pennebaker’s research at the University of Texas shows that expressive writing can significantly improve physical and mental health during difficult times.
Simple ways to start:
- Write letters to your loved one sharing what you miss most
- Keep a daily log of feelings, even if it’s just one word
- Complete prompts like “Today I remembered…” or “I wish I could tell you…”
- Write about your favorite memories or what you learned from them
Other forms of expression:
- Create art, music, or poetry that captures your experience
- Talk to trusted friends who can listen without trying to fix
- Move your body through dance, walking, or gentle exercise
- Volunteer for causes that mattered to your loved one
The expression is for you alone unless you choose to share it. Trust what feels meaningful, even if it doesn’t make sense to others.
Build Support That Helps
Not all support is created equal when you’re grieving. Well-meaning friends might try to cheer you up or push you to “move forward,” but you often need someone who can sit with you in the pain without trying to fix it.
What helpful support looks like:
- People who let you mention your loved one’s name without changing the subject
- Friends who remember important dates like birthdays or anniversaries
- Those who check in without expecting you to be “better” yet
- Anyone who offers specific help rather than saying “let me know if you need anything”
Finding your grief community: Consider connecting with others who understand loss firsthand. Support groups, whether in person or online, can validate that what you’re experiencing is normal. Many people find comfort in grief-specific therapy, which focuses on processing loss rather than “fixing” anything.
Austin has several grief support resources, including groups through local hospitals, hospices, and community centers. Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone in this experience can provide tremendous relief.
Care for Your Physical Self
Grief is exhausting. Your body is working hard to process this significant life change, which means basic self-care becomes even more important, even when it feels impossible.
Gentle physical care during grief:
- Nourishment – Eat small, balanced meals even when appetite is low
- Movement – Take short walks, try gentle stretching, or do simple yoga
- Hydration – Dehydration can worsen exhaustion and headaches
- Rest – Create a simple bedtime routine to support better sleep
- Breathing – Practice deep breathing when emotions feel overwhelming
Don’t worry about doing everything perfectly. The goal is to care for yourself with the kindness you’d show a good friend who is going through a hard time.
Create Meaningful Rituals
Rituals can provide comfort and a sense of connection to what you’ve lost. These don’t have to be elaborate – they just need to feel meaningful to you.
Some people light candles on difficult days, others visit meaningful places, cook favorite recipes, or donate to causes their loved one cared about. These small acts can help you feel connected while acknowledging that life continues.
When Grief Becomes Complicated
While grief is a natural response to loss, sometimes it can become overwhelming or persistent in ways that interfere with daily functioning. Consider reaching out for professional support if you’re experiencing:
- Grief that makes it difficult to work, maintain relationships, or handle daily tasks
- Persistent feelings of hopelessness, numbness, or despair lasting months without relief
- Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
- Thoughts of hurting yourself or wishing you were dead
- Using substances to cope with emotional pain
- Feeling completely stuck in anger, guilt, or sadness with no moments of relief
These signs don’t mean you’re weak or doing grief “wrong.” They indicate that additional support could help you navigate this difficult time more effectively.
Making Space for Growth
Healing from grief doesn’t mean returning to who you were before the loss. It often means becoming someone new – someone who carries both the love you had and the wisdom that comes from surviving something difficult.
This process takes time, and it’s okay to move slowly. Some days you’ll need to focus entirely on missing what you’ve lost. Other days, you might find yourself laughing at something or enjoying a moment, and that’s okay too.
Growth and grief can coexist. Honoring your loss doesn’t require staying stuck in pain forever.
Professional Support for Your Journey
Different therapeutic approaches can be beneficial for processing grief and loss. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps you learn to carry difficult emotions while still engaging in meaningful activities. EMDR can be especially useful when grief is complicated by trauma. Traditional talk therapy provides a safe space to process emotions and develop coping strategies.
At Firefly Therapy Austin, we understand that grief is one of life’s most challenging experiences. Our therapists are trained to support you through loss with compassion and evidence-based approaches that honor your unique process. Whether you’re dealing with recent loss or old grief that still feels raw, we’re here to help you find your way through with the support and tools you need.
Remember – there’s no right way to grieve, and there’s no timeline for healing. What matters most is being gentle with yourself and allowing space for whatever you’re feeling. The waves of grief may never completely stop, but with time and support, you can learn to navigate them with more skill and less fear.