Single parenting gets called a juggling act, but let’s be real: some days it feels like you’re running the whole circus with no intermission. You’re in charge of every ring: childcare, work, bills, bedtime stories, broken faucets, and the steady stream of emotional hugs and pep talks. Because most of that work happens behind the scenes, it rarely gets the credit (or help) it deserves.
Let’s discuss what makes the burden so heavy, how it can affect mental health, and simple, research-backed ways to lighten the load.
What “Invisible Load” Really Means
Think of all the mental tabs open in your brain at once: tomorrow’s lunch, next week’s soccer sign-up, the dental form still in the backpack, your kid’s tears after a rough day, and your own work emails piling up. Partnered parents can trade off some of those tabs. Solo parents can’t, unless outside help steps in.
A study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that single parents feel more stress, fatigue, and time pressure than parents who share caregiving (Nomaguchi & House, 2012). The problem isn’t just the number of tasks. It’s having to carry them alone, day after day.
How the Load Shows Up in Your Mind and Body
- Chronic stress
Too much cortisol can wreck sleep, fog memory, and tank your immune system. - Depression and anxiety
Single parents are almost twice as likely to feel depressed compared with partnered parents (Cairney et al., 2003). - Burnout or compassion fatigue
Constant emotional labor can leave you feeling numb, snappy, or checked out.
It’s common to feel guilty asking for help, like needing support means you’re failing. The truth: caring for your mental health is part of caring for your family.
Five Ways to Ease the Load
1. Aim for “Good Enough,” Not Perfect
Psychologist Donald Winnicott showed that children do not need flawless caregivers. What matters is a steady, responsive presence most of the time. Lower the bar to “good enough,” and give perfectionism the boot.
2. Build a Support Web
Villages are great, but they are not always available. Instead, weave a web of small connections:
- Swap pickups with a neighbor once a week.
- Ask the coworker who loves cooking for budget dinner tips.
- Join an online single-parent group for 2 a.m. questions.
Even quick chats with your barista can shrink loneliness and boost resilience, according to sociologist Mark Granovetter.
3. Try Self-Compassion
When the day unravels, pause and:
- Admit it’s rough: “This is hard.”
- Remember, struggle is universal.
- Speak to yourself like a friend.
Research from Dr. Kristin Neff shows self-kindness calms the nervous system and builds flexibility.
4. Reset Your Nervous System
- Box breathing
Inhale four, hold four, exhale four, hold four (three rounds). - 5-4-3-2-1 grounding
Spot five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste. - Ten-minute walk
A quick stroll boosts mood and releases feel-good chemicals (Journal of Psychiatric Research, 2016).
5. Share the Emotional Labor
Teach your kids to name feelings and ask trusted adults for help. Protect your energy by:
- Saying no to extras that drain you.
- Automate bills or use grocery pickup when you can.
- Dropping non-essential tasks for now.
Redefine Strength
Real strength isn’t juggling more balls; it’s knowing when to set one down, rest, or wave someone over to help. Big-picture changes are still needed to support single-parent families, but these small steps can keep your mental health afloat right now.
You’re doing one of the most challenging jobs out there with grit and heart. That matters.
Need More Support?
If overwhelm feels non-stop, talk with a therapist or join a single-parent group (some ideas below). Firefly Therapy Austin understands the challenges of solo parenting and can help you create a plan that fits real life.
Single Parent Groups in Austin
- Austin Single Parents Facebook Group
- Austin Moms Community Neighborhood Groups
- Northpoint Single Moms
References
- Nomaguchi, K., & House, A. N. (2012). Journal of Family Psychology, 26(3), 390–400.
- Cairney, J., Boyle, M., Offord, D. R., & Racine, Y. (2003). Social Science & Medicine, 56(11), 2097–2110.
- Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
- Granovetter, M. (1973). The Strength of Weak Ties. American Journal of Sociology.
- Meyer, J. D. et al. (2016). Journal of Psychiatric Research, 79, 24–29.