Updated on July 19, 2025
Codependency can quietly affect your relationships and mental health, sometimes without you even noticing. You may think you’re just being helpful or supportive. But when your identity and emotional well-being become tied to someone else’s approval or stability, it can create an unhealthy and exhausting dynamic.
In codependent relationships, one person may rely on another to feel okay about themselves, while the other person feels needed by taking care of everything. This often happens in romantic partnerships, family relationships, or close friendships, and it can leave both people feeling unbalanced and resentful.
The good news is that you can work on codependency. By understanding the signs and making intentional changes, you can build more supportive, respectful, and emotionally healthy relationships.
Signs of Codependency
Low Self-Esteem
If your self-worth depends heavily on how others see you, that’s often a sign of codependency. For example, you might say yes when you want to say no, avoid sharing how you really feel, or push your own needs aside to keep someone else comfortable.
Over time, this can lead to a pattern of people-pleasing, where you’re constantly seeking approval and feel guilty anytime you put yourself first.
Try this: If a coworker asks for a favor and you’re already overwhelmed, practice saying, “I can’t take that on today.” Small boundaries like this can help rebuild self-respect and reduce the need for external validation.
Losing Your Sense of Identity
People with codependent patterns often find it hard to define who they are outside of their relationships. You might take on your partner’s opinions, go along with what friends want without checking in with yourself, or forget what you used to enjoy before the relationship took over.
For example, you might stop attending the yoga class you loved because your partner doesn’t enjoy it, or you might avoid sharing your honest opinions out of fear that it will create tension.
Try this: Reconnect with solo interests or activities. Set aside time each week for something that’s just for you, reading a book you love, going for a walk alone, or exploring a new interest. These small steps help rebuild your identity.
Always Taking Care of Others
It’s natural to care about the people you love. But when you feel responsible for their moods, decisions, or success, this can become unhealthy.
If you find yourself fixing problems that aren’t yours, offering help before it’s asked for, or ignoring your own needs to support someone else, these may be signs of excessive caretaking.
Try this: Instead of jumping in to solve someone’s issue, ask yourself, “Is this really my responsibility?” You might say, “That sounds tough. How are you thinking of handling it?” This shift supports others while giving them the space to solve their own problems.
Difficulty Sharing Emotions
Codependent relationships often involve holding in emotions out of fear, fear of being too much, causing conflict, or being rejected. This can make it hard to recognize your own feelings, let alone share them with others.
You might tell your partner you’re fine when you’re really hurt, or agree to plans with friends even though you’re burned out and need rest. These patterns usually build up over time and can result in emotional outbursts, confusion, or resentment.
Try this: Pause once or twice a day to check in with yourself. Ask, “What am I feeling right now?” Write it down if that helps. When you get used to naming your emotions, it becomes easier to express them calmly and clearly in conversations.
Fear of Abandonment or Rejection
A deep fear of being left or rejected is often at the root of codependent behaviors. This fear can show up in many ways: constantly checking in with your partner, needing constant reassurance, or trying to control outcomes so you’re not caught off guard.
For example, you might cancel your plans to avoid upsetting someone, or stay silent about something that bothers you because you’re afraid of being alone.
Try this: Focus on building a sense of stability within yourself. This might include journaling, therapy, or leaning on a supportive friend. You can also practice letting go of small outcomes, like not texting first, and see what happens. Trust and self-reliance grow with practice.
Codependency Looks Different for Everyone
Not everyone with codependent traits shows all of these signs. Some people struggle with saying no. Others may have trouble identifying what they need in the first place. Codependency often develops in response to childhood experiences or past relationships where emotional safety was missing.
Think of it like a spectrum; some behaviors might show up occasionally, while others feel deeply ingrained. Understanding your patterns is the first step toward shifting them.
You Can Learn Healthier Ways to Connect
The goal isn’t to stop caring about people. It’s to find a better balance, where you’re supportive without losing yourself in the process. This kind of relationship, often called interdependence, allows both people to grow while feeling respected and emotionally safe.
For example, instead of managing your partner’s emotions or walking on eggshells, you learn to express how you feel, take responsibility for your own reactions, and allow others to do the same.
Therapy can be a helpful space to explore these patterns and learn new ways of relating. With support, it’s possible to rebuild self-trust and create relationships that feel mutual, honest, and fulfilling.
You Don’t Have to Untangle This Alone
If you recognize these patterns in yourself or someone close to you, know that support is available. At Firefly Therapy Austin, our team of therapists works with individuals and couples navigating the challenges of codependency. We offer a safe, judgment-free space to explore your experiences and work toward healthier relationships.
Whether you’re just beginning to notice these patterns or feel like you’ve been stuck in them for years, we can help you take steps toward change at your own pace.
Reach out to get started. We’re here when you’re ready.
Firefly Therapy Austin offers affordable, effective therapy in Austin, Texas.
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